Silent Promises

I’ve become such a cry-baby since the birth of my daughter.  I think the tears are a combination of fear, what-ifs, nostalgia, happiness, love and faith.  They are messy tears and ridiculously unpredictable.

For example, I can’t read her Mem Fox’s Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes without breaking into tears.  Similarly, I was loving Outlander but cannot face it after the main character miscarried at full term. I cry at beautiful videos on YouTube too.  Like the one I watched today by Dude Dad:

It occurred to me tonight after finishing reading another lovely book by Mem Fox called Time For Bed that I need to commit every beautiful moment to memory; the cuddles, smiles, the crazy antics, the fun times, the challenges, and every milestone.

But how do you guarantee memory retention when Grand Mal Seizures starve the brain of oxygen and effect memory?

Mostly I’ve noticed that the memory loss effects disposable and insignificant moments.  In general, the memory comes back through discussions with others, Google Maps, and focus.  But the seizures I had last year have really thrown me.  So many memories are hazy and out of focus.

I’ve always believed (Positively?  Naively?)  that my brain simply uses a seizure to reset and clean the hard drive that is my brain.

But tonight, as I cuddled and read to my beautiful daughter, I felt the tears well up again!  It occurred to me that a seizure may delete these precious moments from my memory.  I sat there and kissed her forehead and committed that moment to memory.  I silently promised her I would do everything in my power to never forget.



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